Archive for June, 2010

Sizzling weekend

My Boo Pj, spent the weekend with me and it was awesome! It surpassed all my fantasies and i have some mind blowing fantasies. I felt loved and wanted. He just could not get enough of me and neither could i. Immersed myself in his love, trying to hold on to every moment of it, knowing i would soon have to let go. It was painful to watch him go, so much so, that i couldn’t bare to walk him to the door. It was like just leave right now before i flood this room with tears.

There are perks that comes with being in a long distance relationship. One is that i am free to live like a single woman and have the benefits of a relationship when i need one. However, this does not substitute for what i miss when my love is away. He is the glue that holds everything in my life together. When he is away i don’t know what to do…i’m just all over the place.

I get all types of emotions, joy, anger, i’m just up and down, hot then cold. When he calls sometimes he gets the wrath of it all. I am glad to have someone who understands and can handle me. Many have tried but had to run away  :-). I can’t say he haven’t tried to run away too, but luckily, our love won’t let him.

I know he is the one so i’m giving this distance a fight. I’ve seen it destroy so many relationships, but not mine. Something else will have to end this, but not the “distance”. I am an overcomer not a quitter. The best thing is that i’m not fighting alone. One person can’t make a relationship work.

I block out the haters who say it won’t work. I just cut them off, they are like poison. I have enough on my plate…to hell with that negative energy. I surround myself with people who are positive, optimistic, see a problem but also a solution, people who genuinely cares.

Everything isn’t perfect and that makes it interesting. Sorry, but i don’t want a perfect relationship, for i won’t grow. It is amazing to watch your love blossom and reminisce on the good and bad times. This brings us closer, it gives us the feeling of accomplishing something together.

I want to see the fruits of this relationship so i’m putting my best foot forward, keeping my fingers and toes crossed and hoping for the best!

2010
06/29
CATEGORY
Pj
Relationship
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reprimanded on the job sucks!

Being reprimanded at work is hard to deal with. I was reprimanded today for giving out too much info to an assistant. In reflection i see that i am so wrong and admitting that you are wrong is not an easy pill to swallow when you want to defend your actions. But i swallowed my pride and be a woman. I was called in my manager’s office which is not unusual. I got the vibe that something was wrong when i saw her secretary and another employee vacating the office so we would be alone. I was like what the hell did i do now?
She asked me to sit which refused i kindly, she rolled those eyes looking up over her glasses and the lecture started. I stood there looking at her but i was not there, i had to tune her out to not show how much i wanted to kick my own ass. I apologized and took the walk of shame back to my little area.
I felt like crap for the entire day. The worst part is that i had to continue working close to her for the rest of the day which i find awkward given that she just told me what an idiot i am. Tomorrow i am off and i am so excited! I put on my poker face acting like all is good but inside i am pissed!
I won’t be repeating this mistake for sure. Hope it doesn’t cost me my internship here.

2010
06/23
CATEGORY
college lifestyle
Relationship
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thanks dad

Father’s day i went to visit my dad, i tried not to be emotional, i put on a smile and tried to make happy. I wanted to thank him for being the best father he knew how to be. I am bless to have him in my life, my heart bleeds for those who were unable to share in my joy just because they had a dead beat sperm donor. I respect them for forgiving those losers because i couldn’t.
There is so much i want to do for my dad. He gave so much and received so little. I want to give him a life he deserves, the way he gave me one. In the prime of his life when he should be enjoying is sunset years, he lost his job, home, wife thus his family.
He lived for us and now we live for ourselves. Too busy to visit, too tired to call. I think about it and i cry. What is life? Why are we here? Is life worth it? His life showed me that life is a bitch and it can bite you in the ass. You have no reward here on earth. Forget the good you have done, you won’t be compensated here. Bad things happen to good people and the wicked they just flourish. Why can’t we get our blessings now and after this life? why do we have to suffer first? Life  is unfair.
Thank you daddy for living selflessly. I  love you!

2010
06/22
CATEGORY
Relationship
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Christian Girl Gone Bad!

In Jamaica oral sex is still taboo.  However the college students are proudly doing it. I went to “Mug Madness” my weekly Sunday treat and saw my former college crush with this  “Christian-girl-gone-bad”, i was happy for him, though i still have fantasies about him. There is no bad feelings there, i know he is looking for a freak  with no commitments, so instead of hooking up we are just friends.
During one of our many naughty conversations which i do enjoy, he told me that he has never dated a girl who didn’t perform oral sex on him. I was in disbelief so i asked, “if i see you with a girl that you are dating does that mean she is doing it to you?” His response was “yes”.  So i see him with the “Christian-girl-gone-bad” and i feel sorry for her and her family. I am not saying that maybe this one isn’t different but i am going after what he said.
You send your innocent daughter off to college with the principles and doctrines of the Bible, hoping that she adheres to them, next thing  you know there is a guy having her clean his genitalia with her oral cavities.  That “sucks” (literally).
My Sunday didn’t end there, the rum present on the beach got everyone talking about sex. A male class mate came over to where i was chilling under a coconut tree with my girls looking cute, trying to avoid the heat of the sun. He started talking about me not getting enough sex and that i need to find a man in close proximity. Some how the conversation turned to a female student i knew.  He willing confessed that only two girls he dated haven’t given him oral sex. So i’m like is everybody doing it? Am i missing something? He pointed to the girl saying that she wanted to do it to him but he wouldn’t allow her because he was upset that she did it to his friend before doing it to him.
College boys are DAWGS! Sorry for generalizing but they usually are. Glad i learnt that pretty early from my whorish brothers. Girls should start valuing themselves and tell these idiots to shove their dicks somewhere else.

2010
06/21
CATEGORY
college lifestyle
Relationship
TAGS
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speaking up and out!

Last night was not good. Yet another argument over facebook. I am getting sick of these arguments i want to throw up! I keep bringing stuff up because you won’t give me the privilege of fully discussing an issue. You sweep them under the rug and act like they never happened. Get out of your dream world, everything is not “OK”. I am suffocating, i have so much to say.
Sorry i am not one of those weak women, i have strong opinions and i well give you hell if you try to shut me up. Everything is not nagging. If you do something inappropriate  i should just be a “good girl” and let you walk all over me. Honey you are in the wrong relationship. Go get a woman you can reign over not this, hot, sexy, independent, educated young lady.

2010
06/16
CATEGORY
Pj
Relationship
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common courtesy

If you are suppose to meet someone and you can’t make it please do the respectful and honorable thing and let them know. Where do people get their manners from? Seems like their mommas didn’t teach them a thing. My mom would whip their ass until they learn respect.
It is wrong to have people wasting their time waiting on your disrespectful, unprofessional ass! So stop being cheap and rude, pick up your phone and say you are a no show!

2010
06/14
CATEGORY
Relationship
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My college crush!

I have this crush in college he has so much sawgger! I am talking about tall, dark, sexy and handsome. I am one of those shy girls so i secretly admired him. I found everything about him intriguing.
I am in a committed relationship and everyone i associate with on campus knows, including my crush. All the hot girls are his friends, he hangs with the fun people. The bitchy girls.
I couldn’t keep  this secret that was bursting to come out any longer, so i told a close friend of mine, only to find out she has a crush on him too! I would never let a boy come between me and a good friend, so i told her if she should go after him, since i am in a relationship and nothing serious would ever happen between me and the guy. Her response was that he is a player so she won’t approach him. So we both moved on with our lives.
We were happily moving on with our lives until there was this beach party, in Jamaica we party hard and when we dance it’s like grinding. The party was called “Mug Madness”, u drink all the alcohol you can consume from 12:00pm until 6:00pm. By 5:00pm i was intoxicated so i started to dance like crazy. Then i saw my crush dancing with another friend of mine, the alcohol gave me enough courage to pull her off him and then he and i were dancing. It was wild and sexual. We were lying down in the sand doing dances that reflects sexual positions. He twisted and turned my body in ways i didn’t know possible and this made me horny! Don’t blame me….blame it on the alcohol. I mean we were drinking rum with chasers!
So after giving everyone a show, i looked at him told him how long i have had a crush on him. He could not believe.
We started talking after  that, hanging out and became great friends. I saw how he treated the other girls, so i made a conclusion that he is just a dawg. We still hang out but we never had and never will have sex.

Example of how people dance in Jamaica:

PS: THIS IS NOT ME!!!!!!!!!

2010
06/08
CATEGORY
college lifestyle
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What a sweet heart

I saw my BFF on Wednesday. He looked at me with hunger in his eyes and i found it sexy until it got too much. He complimented me on my new look (changed my hairstyle and did my nails).  I love that about him, he only sees the good in me.
I was happy to see him, i missed him. I have been avoiding him ever since he told me he was in love with me. I felt like it was my brother saying those words in an intimate manner, it was just creepy. I am trying to see him in a new light but it is hard.

 I can’t get over the fact that he is such a great guy!
I will be seeing him today and I’m looking forward to it. We do stuff that other guys would not. Wednesday he accompanied me to the nail technician, he hates shopping yet just to be in my presence he is there, tolerating my indecisiveness.
They say good friends make the best lovers, but i am not sure about this one, i am too preoccupied with my Bf. I will give him a fair chance by continuing to do what we always do and just hope for the best.

2010
06/07
CATEGORY
My BFF
Relationship
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Feeling Low

Sometimes it is hard to just get out of bed, knowing the struggles that lies ahead. I often look at my friends who i believe have it all, but when i sit and listen to their stories, my heart cry out to them. Everyone has struggles, struggles that are unique to us.
I believe that my blessings are on their way. It will not be on my timing, but on the Lord’s. Which is the best timing.
I often find my self forcing things to happen in my favour. Thinking that they are best for me. Only to find out otherwise. Then there are times when opportunities present themselves and I would just let them pass by, because i am afraid of the unknown.
Fear is not from the Lord. It cripples you. It keeps you a prisoner. Lord Remove fear from my heart and  the hearts of these viewers i pray and lead us to that which you have in store for us. Amen

2010
06/07
CATEGORY
My saviour
Prayer
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There is a storm outside

There is a storm outside but i am not scared because tonight there will be a storm inside.
The storm inside will far surpass the intensity of the one  outside. When two lovers who are anticipating and yearning for each other reunite, the floodgates will be open as the love freely flows.

2010
06/01
CATEGORY
Relationship
Uncategorized
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